3 Things you forgot existed while living in SF //

Babies

While you’re standing in line waiting for your cup of Blue Bottle coffee, you hear a piercing sound, “What whas that??” You think for a second before remember that is what children sound like. You look for the source of the sound, just to verify that there is actually baby in this city.

Seasons

Did you know in the rest of the country, the leaves on trees change colors and eventually fall off and warm coats are put away for a few months.

Drive-Thrus

It’s called “take-out” here. You have to actually walk in and get your food to go. Has anyone invented a bike-thru, yet?

Written by Michelle Teslik // Illustrated by Amelia Altavena

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Ex Mental patient never sleeps. Ex Mental patient uses the Survival skills that he learned in The ‘Nam
to camouflage himself inside bushes and hidey-holes in Golden Gate park during the daytime.

The Ex mental patient emerges in darkest night to belligerently preach his
incomprehensible message about the vindictive nature of Jesus to an unwilling audience.

Ex Mental patient walks using irregular shuffling movements to avoid  attracting sandworms,
this is often mistaken for drunkenness – an easy mistake to make because Ex mental patient carries a
bottle of whiskey at all times for disinfection of wounds and to use as an improvised weapon.

Gnargle hippie kid is not really homeless,  his hardboiled old man kicked him out of the house when he got
caught smoking meth in the living room with his grunchlk friends at noon on a school day.

Gnargle hippie kid covers himself with free-loving hippie trappings, but this is merely a technique
to trick naive college students into letting him into their dorm-room so that he can steal their laptops.

Gnargle hippie kid cannot play the guitar that he carries with him everywhere, yet he is always pawing at it
like a curious ape creature
in order to avoid being driven off for loitering by claiming that he is a street performer.

When it gets cold or rainy, Gnargle hippie kid can always sneak into the guest house by his parents’
pool that his mom keeps unlocked and stocked with cookies and PBnJs for him.

Turtle hobo carries all the comforts of a home buried in dozens of layers of nappy Foam-Asbestos-blanket material.

Turtle hobo often has a cart filled with oddments and knic-knacs.

Turtle hobo erects an elaborate fort on a nightly basis – complete with cardboard ground insulator strips, a wind
blocking Lean-to blanket wall, and an igloo like structure made of couch cushions for discreet masturbationary purposes.

Turtle hobo has a powerful smell defense to protect it from predators.

Written by Andrew Bogenhagen, Illustrated by Amelia Altavena